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Monday 9 May 2011

GL3 Stat-Tracker: Fantasy Edition

My blog is the reason dogs can't see colours, if you email a link to it to someone you know, all their houseplants die and it will one day be used by a defense lawyer to clear my murderer's name. So Noni White, Paul Edwards, Mike Grocott and Jim Darrall, I can only apologise for this terrible violation of your privacy. But fuck it, it was funny at the time. 

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Lady Whitebane, Warrior-Princess of the Upton Forest Clan
(Anona White)
Amazon
Weapons: Compound Bow, Poison Arrows, Convincing Arguments
Armour: Skimpy
Accuracy: Myopian
Driving Skill: Irrelevant
Rationality: Womanly
Special Ability: Exhaustively Pointing Out Your Faults

Egbor The Surprisingly Polite
(Paul Edwards)
Berserker
Weapons: Battle Axe, Claymore, Your Own Goddamn Severed Arm
Armour: Wicked Facial Hair, Apparently
Strength: Ridiculous
Agility: Glacial
Intestinal Fortitude: Blessed
Special Ability: Punching You In The Gut Until You Throw Up

Grocotian, Senior Book-Master
(Mike Grocott)
Librarian
Weapons: Really?
Armour: Hahahahaha!
Intelligence: Sagely
Wits: About Him
Repartees: Biting 
Special Ability: ...the Dewey-Decimal System... I guess?

Pius XII, Adjutant 1st Grade of the Oxfian War-Church
(James Darrall)
Cleric
Weapons: Twin Sabres, Catholic Guilt
Armour: Suspiciously Effective
Dexterity: Unsurpassed
Charisma: Self-Entitled
Luck: Absurd
Special Ability: Making Good Girls Go Bad

Alexander The Mysteriously Swaying At Two In The Afternoon
(William Franklin)
Rogue
Weapons: Rudimentary Explosives, Salty Language
Armour: Pointless
Constitution: Ox-Like
Charm: Rapey
Ethics: ...huh?
Special Ability: Vanishing (With All Your Mead & Maybe Your Daughter/Mother/Sister)

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